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Kiss OR DEATH

Police claim a 92 year old woman, flew into a rage when her 53-year-old neighbour would not give her a peck.   She was so angry she allegedly fired four rounds into her neighbour’s house from a semi-automatic pistol.

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Gotta Love Drinkin’

Incident or Offense- Public Intoxication Time Reported 9-4-10 / 1810 Time Occurred 9-4-10 / 1810 Location Memorial Triangle Description A non-UTEP affiliated individual fell over his cooler and hit his head on the sidewalk. He was treated by the EPFD mobile unit personnel and then taken into custody. Case Number 10-0419 Case Status Arrest http://www.kvia.com/news/24910121/detail.html

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Monkey Business

12:05 p.m., Twain Harte — A man was acting like a monkey, picking up rocks and acting like he was going to throw them at a woman and her family on the 17900 block of Robin Road. http://www.uniondemocrat.com/20110308102880/News/News-of-Record/News-of-record-for-March-8-2011

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Marijuana, a family activity

River Forest police officers pulled over a man, and his mother, at the intersection of Thatcher and Greenfield, the evening of Sept. 9. When officers approached the vehicle, they smelled marijuana, and asked the man and his mother to step out of the car. However, the two then locked their doors, rolled up their windows [...]

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Dehydrated, homeless and naked

A 24-pack of water, an apartment lease, and referee uniforms were stolen from an unlocked car parked on the 900 block of Lake Street in Oak Park, early the morning of Oct. 23.   Thief was not found.

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Cragslist, so reliable

A man who allegedly twice tricked people into paying him rent on an apartment he didn’t own was arrested in August. A former River Forest resident and a registered sex offender in Coldiron, Ky., was accused of twice luring victims from Craigslist into signing fake leases for an apartment on the 1500 block of Harlem [...]

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Cooler Man!! The hip, new supervillian

A man, 48, walked into a Circle K store at about 8:30 a.m. on Sept. 6, donning a plastic foam cooler on his head with a hole punched in it so he could see, according to the Richmond County Sheriff’s Office. But between his unintelligible demands and his not-so-threatening pellet gun, Pavlich soon lost control [...]

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What’s brown and sticky? A stick! Also poo

Woman adds a little extra to traffic payment LAKEVIEW, Ore.; Debra Angeline Schwarz paid her traffic fine on time, but a substance she included with her payment got her into a stinky mess. Lake County authorities said Schwarz, 44, paid her $350 fine in a squishy envelope that included what witnesses called a “brown, pasty [...]

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Got to cut down on those big macs

Man gets stuck in church HIGH POINT, N.C.; After receiving calls from suspicious neighbors about someone trying to rob a Baptist church, police arrived and landed their main clue almost immediately; a suspect’s torso stuck and sticking out of a small window. Spotting Ronald Stutts, 28, wasn’t hard, but freeing the 6-foot, 235-pound man from [...]

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Dog Food

Man arrested Sault Police were called Saturday evening to a local pet store, where a patron was causing a disturbance in an apparent search for dog food. In addition to the loud swearing, reports indicate the man threw a can opener inside the establishment, prompting the 911 call. Chippewa County Sheriff Deputies were the first [...]

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You skate like a girl!

Assault investigation Sault Police are investigating an early-morning assault complaint on the campus of Lake Superior State University after a man became irate when his skating skills were compared unfavorably to a girl. The 21-year-old student continued to argue he could skate better than a girl, until the 20-year-old who made the statement threatened to [...]

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Laundry Machines do have a lot of quarters

A thief broke into a building, hoping to find the storage lockers.  Instead the criminal entered into an unlocked laundry room. There, the person used a gas torch to try and melt coin drops on two dryers, a police report says. But the criminal apparently struck out in the laundry-machine heist.

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Robbery is hard…

16TH ST., 2200 block, 2:30 a.m. July 10. Two men woke up a male who had fallen asleep in his vehicle. First they asked if he was okay or needed help, and then one, saying he had a gun, demanded the driver’s wallet. He did not comply and drove away.

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LIE FAIL

A teenager caught shoplifting gave the arresting officer a fake address. Didn’t work out too well, seeing as how it was the officer’s address.

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lunch ruined by phone

Marblehead Reporter, Thursday, October 22, 2009: Assisted resident who became alarmed after a phone call with her daughter ended abruptly after her daughter screamed at 7:26 p.m. As it turned out, all was well. Daughter had just dropped her phone in wonton soup.

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YOU PARTY, I’LL COMMIT SUICIDE

Threat of suicide: A woman called police Dec. 31 after locking herself in a bedroom when her 84-year-old husband put a knife to his throat and threatened to kill himself. Responding officers were able to take the knife from the man and transported him to Medina Hospital. The woman said the incident grew out of [...]

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New applications for smoke alarms

Stinson Beach: At 10:16 a.m. a smoke detector not in use was getting wet in someone’s backyard. Source: Sheriff’s calls, Point Reyes Light, February 17, 2011

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The toilet flusher thief

A rash of thefts have been reported around Oklahoma City as someone has been sneaking into restaurants and stealing electronic toilet flushers. Keeping restaurant patrons from using the facilities.

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Vigilante Artist strikes again!

An 80 old woman woke to find a 19 foot solar-powered metal structure placed in her yard.

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Best 911 Call Ever

A llama broke out of its pin and went on a rampage, ultimately resulting in the following 911 call: 911 Operator:  Cleveland County 911. Griffin:  Yeah… (inaudible)… in my yard… tried to attack me…  It’s got me hemmed up in my car out here. 911 operator:  What’s got you hemmed up? Griffin:  A llama. 911 [...]

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This has got to be some kind of record…

A homeless man was arrested, and during a cavity check revealed: inside a condom they found 17 round blue pills, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon.

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What do you mean cocaine is suppose to be white and powdery?

Woman contacted police about being sold fake cocaine. She was arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.

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SUZIE WON’T SHARE!

There are mean kids at the park who will not let them play with the equipment. Mean kids gone upon officer arrival.

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Several packages of meat and cold sore gel

A Lancaster woman was charged with petit larceny after allegedly putting two tomatoes, several packages of meat, three tabloid magazines and a tube of cold sore gel in her purse at a store on Transit Road.

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Lady Gaga joins a frat

Police were called to Sundridge Drive about a suspicious man. His head was shaved, he was dressed as a woman in a sparkly blue top and green pants with his rear end sticking out. The complainant also stated the suspect was “acting weird.” The man told officers he was pledging a fraternity.

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Yummy!

A suspicious person was reported outside a Transit Road business trying to sell edible underwear.

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pants on fire…

Police report a false fire alarm at The Commons.   A resident was drying underwear in the microwave.

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The Govenator is Watching

The Learning Center on Hanson Street reports a man across the way stands at his windows for hours watching the center, making the parents nervous. Police ID the suspect as a cardboard cut-out of Arnold Shwarzenegger.

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Thirsty Fire Fighters

OLIVER, B.C.—Charges won’t be laid against several volunteer firefighters accused of stealing beer kegs from a hotel as it went up in flames. Members of the Oliver, B.C., fire department were investigated after a blaze at the southern Okanagan’s Mesa Hotel in May. Oliver city council urged the RCMP to look into the matter and [...]

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Builder’s Conundrum

Report of a contractor on West Street looking for advice on baby squirrels, at 9:06 a.m. According to the report, he said if he continued working on a roof he would block the babies in, but if he removed them he felt the mother would reject them. The contractor put the baby squirrels in a [...]

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The Easter Bunny isn’t afraid of a raccoon

A West Shore resident reported that a raccoon in her back yard refused to leave and her children were concerned that the Easter Bunny wouldn’t be able to come to the house, at 7:47 P.M.

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This is why I never call

A mother reported receiving annoying collect phone calls from her 28-year-old son, at 1:56 A.M., none of which she accepted.

2

Does a man sh*t in the park?

A woman reported that a man at Seaside Park “appeared to be using the park as a restroom,” at 6:16 P.M. The man was gone when police arrived.

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Man snaps, door pays the price

A man was taken to a mental health facility after having a breakdown and drilling holes in a neighbor’s front door, at 2:37 A.M.

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Irate man is mildly annoying

Report of an “irate tax payer” at the Mary Alley Municipal building, at 12:02 p.m. According to the report, the man could be heard yelling in the background.

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Grandma’s stealing spree

Report of a 62 year-old female who stole two pairs of children’s nylons from an Atlantic Avenue merchant, at 11:56 a.m.

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Anyone got some weed killer?

Report of a large bush in the middle of Tedesco Street, at 7:39 P.M.

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Burning Squirrels are fire hazards

Report of a tree fire ignited by an electrocuted squirrel on Phillips Street, at 1;17 p.m

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Should be considered unarmed but annoying

Report Jehovah’s Witnesses in the area of Ocean Avenue and Wallace Road, at 9:31 a.m.

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Allergy: Massachusetts

An officer bumped into a woman in front of the station who reported having a particular medical problem that “only occurs when she is in Massachusetts,” at 4:43 a.m.

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You’ll need to shower that off … with bleach

Report of a Port-a-John tipped over on Village Street, at 3:27 a.m.

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That can’t be good for the dog

Report of a dog eating debris in the middle of Atlantic Avenue, at 12:11 a.m.

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Enter the intersection, then stop

A street sign was reported rolling around in the street at the corner of Bessom and Anderson streets at 9:37 p.m.

3

Serial Cat Biter

Two cats were bitten in different parts of town. At 8:12 a.m., one was bitten on Orne Street and five minutes later, one bitten on Clifton Avenue.

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Its either the roof or the jungle gym

Kids were reported running on the roof at Bell School at 7:50 p.m

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What was he doing in the bathroom?

A caller reported a man sitting in a parking lot at Devereux Beach for four hours in the bathroom.

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Driveways are for cars!

A caller complained that a parent dropped off a child for school in a driveway at 10:06 a.m. and asked police to ask the child’s parents to drop off the child on the sidewalk in the future.

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Number One in Duck Satisfaction!

A duckling got stuck in a manhole near 49 Norman St. at 12:28 p.m. and it was reported that the mother duck was “very angry.” The animal officer and DPW responded and made Mama Duck happy.

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Mighty Hunter!

A Pond Street resident reported a cat brought a bird into the house at 1:42 P.M

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Cat Quarantine

A Cloutman’s Lane cat was quarantined by the animal control officer at 10:21 A.M.